Transgender Bathroom Debate

(Yay, breaking my word to myself again! Screw it, I'm feeling strong/confident tonight.) A lot of your post upsets me. Beyond that, I'm sick of trying to get through to people. I can't change unwilling minds in discussions of gender identity/expression any more than I can find the magic words that would open the mind of an anti-abortionist or a hypocritical godhead. But fuck it... I do this anyway, 'cause I can't seem to help myself any more than the godhead can stay his tongue from lashing at homosexuals. I write not to lash my tongue. I do it in the hope that someone—even one person—reads it (even if they stumble ass-backwards onto this somehow) and takes something meaningful away from it. *deep breath* Here goes nothing! ... Wait. That's not true. Hmm... maybe... "Here goes knowledge!" That's better. (Told ya I'm feeling confident tonight.)

I do have to note that the first paragraph reaaally gets my goat. So, so much wrong with it and utterly dismissive and/or unaware that there are indeed trans kids, it's not "all the same" to all kids, many parents are not accommodating to expression or not gendering toys... etc etc... The short of this being I cannot stress enough that trans kids do exist. I know bloody well as anyone that not every boy who plays with a Barbie is certain to be or go on to be gay or trans. But some do. If I had the awareness, the words and the right environment (i.e. one in which people actually talked about all this stuff instead of repressing anything "different"--I didn't, hence that lack of awareness) I'm quite confident I would have explored my deeply hidden, not-understood feelings at a much, much younger age.

Also, the language thing is BS -- most of these terms have been around for ages and having detailed language to understand concepts and concise, specific terminology to aid discussion of identity is absolutely crucial. I'll pick something out, hmm... so, yeah... pansexual and bisexual are not equal. Bisexual relies on a gender binary -- this and that, men and women. Pansexual covers cis men, cis women, people who identify outside the gender binary that some societies take for granted (non-binary folks are prevalent in various cultures), trans men AND trans women. It is all-inclusive, basically.

Hell, even I can remember putting on my mothers wedding dress and high heels for a laugh and playing with My Little Pony as a child. Never once questioned my gender or sexuality because I was a child.

You never questioned it because it was just for a laugh and moreover, you ultimately never had to. This is not every child's truth. What for your boyhood self was youthful mirth and freedom of expression can be a deep-seated desire for another child. It's more common than you know... a boy trying on his mother's clothes, makeup, whatever (just a few examples and note sometimes a repressed atmosphere means such activities are mere internalized fantasies/longings for some)... and feeling a sort of pang in his little chest as the gears start to turn and (at least in my day) never seem to click into place because too many pieces are missing; unfamiliar. Or, if they aren't in a completely repressed state, those feelings may indeed lead to a very telling phrase I've learned over the years have been said waaay too many times to dismiss as "confusion" or "kids not caring about gender stuff"—"(parent/guardian) I want to be a (boy or girl). Such things are dismissed or shut down by too many parents still, and it was standard practice to do so for many years. And again—not every single child who says that will transition. It's something to have an eye on, though... and it's vital for their emotional development to allow them to explore and express those feelings. Only then can one learn how deep they lie within and from there, learn how best to proceed. If it persists, avoiding the issue or re-enforcing the gender role associated with their biological sex won't help ('cause too many folks still equate sex and gender, treating them as inseperable and unchanging). I've heard too many accounts of/from parents who staunchly enforced gender roles in response to their child expressing such feelings as "I want to be a (boy/girl) and "I don't like my (boy/girl) name. I want to be called (name)" ... and having it nearly end in tragedy when the child (I'm talking single-digit ages in some cases, here) attempted to commit suicide so they wouldn't have to be a (whichever of boy or girl) anymore. Catching this stuff young can spare years of pain and every extra year that passes without action/ackowledgment/learning about this stuff is time lost that could have been easily avoided. The pain and confusion... the dysphoria, of a puberty that feels wrong on a deep, deep level could be circumvented by puberty blockers, to slow puberty to a crawl while the youth grows (physically and mentally—you don't get a second shot at bone structure and human sexual dimorphism obviously becoms most pronounced throughout puberty). ... They can learn about themselves, figure shit out, and reach a decision on whether medical/social (if not already socially transitioning prior) gender transition is the right path to go into puberty: some decide their feelings are not intense enough to warrant such actions and go into puberty as-is; most cases I know of choose social transition and hormone replacement therapy; and eventually, if a parent consents—genital-reasssignment surgery (GRS).  (If a parent does not, they still may choose it after reaching the age they do't require consent, of course.) I think the reason most cases I've heard are of youths choosing to transition is because of exactly what I said—these feelings tend to start at a very young age and if they've been intense for years, they'll remain intense and the desire to begin social transition, if not approached directly or if ignored, will create a tipping point in the child's behavior. They may act out; they may become withdrawn and complacent. Knowledge is power; kids aren't stupid or without any sense of self; and this stuff is not only far from "beyond them"—for some, it's a huge chunk of their reality.

Gender-normative or otherwise—in general, children grasp this stuff waaay better than you give them credit for; this is quite observable. I could go on about that, but I'll use a solitary example and point out the success of I Am Jazz—the children's novel, written by a then-prepubescent transgender girl, about her experiences.

That's all I can muster. No joke—thanks for posting in the thread. At least people talk about this stuff now. Long way to go socially... and we'll get there. Trans folks are a weather-hardy sort. Every storm has to break eventually, and we've been living in a lightning storm for too fucking long.

Onward to brighter days and endless rainbows!

–Paige

Last edited by Pilgrim Paige (Thu-29-Jun-2017 01:29:57)