Brian 'The Freight Train' White

Thought I'd chuck this up here for good measure;

Name: Brian 'The Freight Train' White
Pic Base:
Ring Attire: Combat Trousers and Boots with Sleeveless Jacket
Height:6'8''
Weight: 400 lb
Hometown: Barry - South Wales
Bio: Brought up in a tough neighbourhood in South Wales, Brian White always had to fight for what he wanted.  In his late teens Brian's large size and formidable strength got him noticed by local dockworkers and despite his tendency to avoid conflict, he was 'invited' to take part in illegal bare knuckle fights where an aggressive streak was coaxed out with regular threats and beatings to the point when he accidentally broke the neck of one of his opponents.  Since this time the Fright Train, as he became known, began dominating fights both in and out of the ring, rolling over anyone foolish enough to get in his way.
Heel/Tweener/Face More of a heel to tweener
Finishing Moves: Runaway train - high impact spear with theatrics (cupping his hands and shouting woo woo before lowering his stance and smacking his rear  foot to the mat, speeding up until he launches the move)
                            Train crash - Running Powerbomb into a pin
                            Crossrail - Backbreaker Rack
Signature Moves: Big Boot
                           'Pavement Slam' - Sidewalk Slam
                           Body Slam
                           Vertical Suplex
                           Stinger Splash
                           Ankle Lock
                           Bear Hug
Other Moves: Strait arm punches
                     Headlock
                     Clothsline
                     Open hand chops to the chest of a cornered opponent
                     Irish whip rebounded to a shoulder tackle
                     Hip toss
                     Spine Buster
                     Neckbreaker
                     Multiple DDT varients - Lifting, Implant, Single Underhook, Spike
                     Fallaway Slam
                     Backbreaker
                     Atomic Drop
                     Arm Bar
                     Abdominal Stretch
Entrance Music: Wherever I may Roam - Yashin (cover version)
Full Entrance
Music starts as lights are lowered until music drops, then as music punches back up pyros go off and a video package showing Brian strength and abilities shows interspersed with a steam train running at full tilt along it's tracks. Brian White and Miss Teri make their entrance, focused on the ring (if empty) or his opponent(s) if they are already in the ring. White ignores the crowed as he deliberately walks to the ring, stepping over the ropes, and music fades. Miss Teri saunters down to the ring, her arm held lightly in the crook of Whites, smiling and engaging with members of the crowd as she passes. White steps up onto the apron as Miss Teri climbs the steps before ducking under the bottom and middle rope that White is holding open for her. They then both pose in the centre of the ring, taking in the cheers from the crowd.

Name: Miss Teri
Pic Base
Hight: 5'5"
Weight: 125lbs
Home Town: New York

Name: "Top Gun" Tommy Young
Pic Base:
Ring Attire: Young wears a pair of semi-baggy khaki trousers that look like they could be the lower half of a flight suit that's been cut off at the waist; black, military-style boots; aviator sunglasses and a brown sheepskin flying jacket that's left open, showing his chest.
Height: 5'11
Weight: 195lbs
D.O.B: 17/08/1998
Hometown: Barry, South Wales
Trainer: Tony Rock
Debut: Gallow's End 2016
Bio: (just read my RP's ;-) )
Tweener

Entrance Music: Aces High by Iron Maiden
Full Entrance
The arena goes dark and black and white scenes of war appear on the tron, with white lights following the rhythm of the drums. As the song kicks in proper, pyro explodes up from the stage and Tommy Young quite literally flies through the fire to hit a perfect three point landing. The young man rises to his feet, with his stance wide and a big grin on his face. He raises his arms above his head, forefinger and thumbs outstretched so his thumbs touch and his fingers are pointing above the ring. He holds the pose for a few seconds before dropping his arms and making his way to the ring, slapping outstretched hands on either side of the ramp as he does so. The screen continues to show scenes of jet fighters flying in formation and gun cams showing missiles destroying bunkers, interspersed by stock footage of Tommy flying about the ring. Tommy enters the ring and climbs the middle left turnbuckle, again raising his arms above his head and touching his thumbs together as he takes in the crowd's cheers for a few seconds before jumping down and moving to the centre of the ring, bouncing on the balls of his feet in anticipation. If accompanying Young, White calmly walks down the centre of the ramp, ignoring the crowds as usual and takes up position ringside.

Finishers

Bombs Away - Swanton Bomb
Aces High - Tiger Feint Kick followed by a Flying Forearm Smash to the staggered opponent.
Ejector Seat - Grapevine double step-over camel clutch on a kneeling or seated opponent
In other words: From behind a kneeling or seated opponent, Young steps over the arms, locks his ankles behind the opponent's back and applies a rear chinlock, pulling up/back to apply torque.

Signature Moves

Gatling Gun (Repeated shoot kicks to kneeling opponent; 2018 - Present)
Tomahawk Missile (Flying elbow drop; 2018 - Present)
Sling Blade (2018 - Present)
Facebreaker DDT (2018 - Present)
450 Splash (rare; 2018 - Present)

Other Moves
Multiple kick variations - Super, Pele, Enziguri, Spinning Heel, Punt, ect...
Suicide dive - multiple variations, pick one, any one and he'll do it!
Hurricanranna
Drop Kick
Bulldog (sometimes from second rope)
Baseball slide kick
Crossbody

Tag Team name; Run 'n' Gun
Members; Brian “The Freight Train” White and “Top Gun” Tommy Young.
Manager; Miss Teri
Billed weight: 585lbs
Billed from; Barry, South Wales.

Entrance theme: Thundersteel by Riot

Entrance:Lights fade to dark as the intro riff hits. An animated graphic of a Spitfire with a flaming skull design on it's nose flies across the screen, it's engine noise blaring even over the music. It flies up and we see a steam train with a flaming skull at the front of it's boiler stack speeding along the line. The Spitfire begins to fly above it as the train turns to head towards camera. Drums come in as the flaming skull comes into centre screen and the words Run 'n' Gun can be read as Brian White and Tommy Young both hit the stage, making their signature poses With Miss Teri coming to stand seductively between them, hand on hip, looking across the crowd with a half cocked smile on her features.

Linking her arms with both men, she leads them down the ring, Tomme smiling and slapping hands as he goes, Brian resolute and serious, but still slapping a few hands as he goes. Miss Teri leaves the two men at the bottom of the ramp and heads to the stairs whilst Brian and Tommy climb the apron. Tommy hops over the top rope, White grabs the second rope, steps on the bottom rope and makes more room for Miss Teri to enter the ring, before stepping over himself. Tommy mounts the far corner post, whilst White takes the closest and they both pose for the crowd, Miss Teri standing in the centre of the ring, again hand on hip and smiling to the audience. The music fades as the two men step into the corner with their manager to confer.

Double Team Finisher;

Pain Train – Tommy Young Tiger feint Kicks opponent, White hits the Runaway Train as they stagger back into the ring.

Double Team Signature;

WMD - White Irish Whips opponent into corner, then follows by Irish Whipping Young into the opponent (Young smacking target with his elbow). Young quickly dodges out onto the apron as White rushes in and hits a Stinger Splash. Tommy climbs the rops as this happens then White grabs head of opponent and throws him out into the ring. Young finally hits the Bombs Away Senton Bomb and legal man goes for cover.

Cruise Missile – Tommy climbs the ropes then climbs up onto Whites shoulders. Young then performs the Tomahawk Missile Elbow Drop from the elevated the height.

Doomsday Device – White hoists up opponent in the Electric Chair. Tommy climbs to the top rope and hits a flying forearm to the opponent. Opponent is flipped backwards onto the matt.

Last edited by Gorgrim (Fri-24-Mar-2023 23:35:43)

Scene opens in the Grand Trunk Pub in Detroit. Brian White walks into the bar and looks around appreciatively, many of the patrons looking up at the new arrival and very quickly looking away as the big man's glare sweeps across the room. He moves to the bar, people instinctively moving out of the way, unwilling to be in the way of this relentless giant.

White approaches the bar and looks along the line of pumps, a thoughtful look crossing his features as he peruses the beers available.

“Hi there, what can I get you?” A smiling young, blond and rather pretty bar girl stands in front of him as he tries to choose.

“Erm, gimme a pint of this...” He tries to smile and points at a label and the smiling girl grabs a glass and begins to pour.

“Hey, aren't you that wrestler who beat Rhysus at the return of 4CW?” the girl asks, though her smile has become a little bit brittle.

“Erm... Yeah.” The mug is slammed down a little harder than it should've been as the girl storms off, her smile replaced by a scowl of dislike.

White just rolls his eyes at the departing girl and leans against the bar, nursing his beer, with all the airs of a true connoisseur. He looks around the bar, seeing looks of recognition and dislike by many of the patrons. “Heh, I hope someone tries something.... Dumbasses!” he thinks to himself, and reminisces about his match on 4CW. “It was good” he smiles into his glass.

“It was a great match!” White is startled out of his reverie by the enthusiasm and more importantly, the south Wales accent.

“What the hell? Tom?! What are you doing here?”

Tom stands there, all smiles as he looks upon his hero. “I told you I'd be there with you when you win the belt Bry, and I meant it. I'm here for you!”

“Oh God, Tom, you serious? This is no life for a little kid like you. I don't want you here, I don't need you here. And I can't believe you're here!”

“I'm not leaving Bry....” a trace of determination crossing his face.

“Ah fuck it... I can't be arsed.... Fine! You want to stay Tom, then you gotta work!”

“Really?” the smile and hero worship comes back onto Tom's face.

“Yeah really. Your first job is picking up the tab!”

“Wha...?”

“Oh, you thought you'd get to manage me?” The sarcasm begins to drip from Whites voice. “Maybe do a little wrestling? Heh, we'll see, you might turn out to be useful eventually. But right now you can do things like pick up my dry cleaning, carry my bags. And if you don't like it, go the fuck home!”

White turns back to the bar and call for another pint, his current one finished as Tom stands there a little nervously now. The murmuring from the table, which had stopped for a short while, beginning anew with an undercurrent of shock and dislike from the apparent mistreatment of the larger man towards the boy.

Last edited by Gorgrim (Sat-16-Jul-2016 20:48:06)

Scene opens in a hotel lobby in Toronto. The CN tower is visible through the windows in the bar area to the left of reception, with the bulge of the baseball stadium just visible below. Brian White is pacing about the lobby, seemingly waiting for someone. Glancing at his watch he makes an annoyed grunt and stalks to the bar.

“Double Jamesons, and gimme a glass of water too”

The glasses are placed in front of him and he proceeds to pour a small measure of water into the whiskey. A polite cough brings his attention back to the barman.

“Oh, right.... room 207....”

“Thank you, sir.” With a grunt towards the barman, White moves to a table where he can keep an eye on the entrance and slowly sipped his drink. The minutes tick by and White gets more agitated when, suddenly, a young man enters the lobby in a rush, looking round before seeing White waving him over with the air of someone who's patience is wearing very thin.

“Where the hell have yo been Tom? I've been waiting here nearly half an hour for your sorry arse to show up....”

“Sorry boss, still getting used to driving over here.... not to mention the sat nav....”

White just looks at Tom for perhaps a couple of seconds too long, making Tom squirm a little.

“Well?”

“Erm, sorry boss, it's a no go.”

“God dammit! I can't get you in through the back cus you're not an employee.... I need that sledge hammer”

“It's ok boss, we'll think of something.”

White looks at Tom and just shakes his head in resignation. “Ah shit.... We'll just have to do it the old fashioned way and see what the idiots bring....”

White looks up again as Tommy gets up as if to go to the bar himself.

“Where the hell d'you think your going?” Tom point's to the bar with a confused look on his face. “Hah, not yet you are! First you're picking up my dry cleaning, then your sorting my ride to the arena.” Tom stares at White for a second or two. “Well, what you standing around here for? Get on with it!” Tom scampers away to do Whites bidding as White settles himself back in his chair and smiles grimly to himself. “I told him he shoulda gone home....”

Last edited by Gorgrim (Sat-16-Jul-2016 20:45:40)

Scene opens at the hotel as Brian White enters, the only reason he doesn't slam the doors being that they're automatic. Stalking up to the counter, he glowers at the receptionist who pales as their most dangerous guest approaches, looking like he wants to seriously hurt someone. He pales even further when the smell hits him and professional resolve is the only reason he doesn't gag out loud.

“Room 207.... NOW!” Whites roar echoes around the atrium, drawing attention to himself from the other guests, though they quickly look away. The keycard is handed over with barely a shiver, and the giant brute stomps off towards the elevator, his thunderous mood and pervading stench of foul milk guaranteeing a lift to himself.

The room door slams open, a noticeable dent appearing on the wall upon impact and Tom nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Boss! How'd it go? I saw the match li.....” The smell hits Tom and he doubles over, gagging but avoiding throwing up. White just watches him, his scowl deepening at the antics of the boy. As Tom recovers enough to stand strait again, White violently thrown the kit bag he was carrying at him. Tom, his wits lost completely, takes the impact on his chest and falls to the bed behind him, the heavy bag on top of him.

“Get that cleaned up! It fucking stinks!” Tom opens the bag slightly to peer in and the smell of rotting milk intensifies. “What are you, a fucking retard?” White shouts at him through his hand as the smell permeates through the room before being hastily closed in again by Tom. “I said get it cleaned, not open the bag, dumb ass! Now you can open the fucking window too! Jeez....” Tom sheepishly goes to open the window before leaving to enquire about the hotels dry cleaning service. White in the mean time goes toward the shower room. When Tom comes back over half an hour later, the room is still occupied.

***************

“I need a camera....”

“What?” Tom looks up in surprise to see Brian looking into the middle distance, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“How good are you with computers and shit?”

“Umm, yeah, pretty good. I got my laptop with me, been skyping mum a bit, see how things are back home.”

“Skyping? Ah, whatever... I'm not good with that stuff... Can you set up a video seg? I got something to say to that bastard Cain.”

“Well, yeah, I guess... You want a YouTube stream, right?” Whites blank look tells Tom everything he needs. “Right, leave it with me Boss. I don't have a camera though, so I'll need to buy one...”

“How much?”

“Umm, about 3, maybe $400 for a decent one, I guess. Shall I go out and buy one?”

White sits and mulls it over for a minute before reaching for his wallet and pulling out a few bills. “Alright, here. You have a couple of hours, I want to get on the road before 5 tonight. We'll film it when we get to the hotel in Montreal tomorrow.”

******************

Scene opens with a camera aimed at a pair of black curtains. Brian White, in his now clean and fresh smelling ring gear enters.

“On the last Stormfront, we had the first round of Soul Survivor. And my god the crowd were crazy. It was particularly interesting chucking a member of the crowd around. But then Rhys, you had to take extreme and make it disgusting. Who the hell puts foul milk in a fucking super soaker?! And then carries on firing that crap at a fellow competitor?

“Rhys Cain! For what you did to me last week, I'm going to rip your fucking head off! The level of humiliation you gave me I will repay to you, and more. I will not rest until I see you out of the Soul Survivor tournament, your back on the mat, watching the reff lift my arms in victory. You will see me as the next 4CW champ, Rhys, and I'll laugh all the way to the bank whilst you go all the way to the back of the line!”

White laughs as the camera fades to black.

*******************

White looks over to Tom as he begins to change back into his street clothes.

“So?”

“Vid uploaded and live boss.”

White grunts as he settles down with a local paper. Tom just shrugs and carries on with his work.

Last edited by Gorgrim (Sat-16-Jul-2016 20:52:00)

Scene opens in a hotel bar in Boston. The bar area is high and airy, with quite a modern look to it. The sun is shining through the tall windows making for a very pleasant summer afternoon. There aren't many people currently in the bar and the few that are, are taking the opportunity to relax. Brian and Tom are sitting at one of the cubicles, the sports bags underneath the table evidence of a recent session in the hotel gym. Brian is reading a local newspaper whilst Tom in on his laptop, having apparently taken over what little social media White had attempted to start.

“Hey boss, have you seen this?” He turns the screen round to face White and hits play. White grunts as he leans forward.

As the video finishes he chuckles to himself. “A submission match? Ha! That's gonna be a laugh! It'll be just like when I was fighting down at Barry docks. You kept fighting till one of you was knocked out or submitted, and after my first match, I never lost a single one!” White starts staring into the middle distance with a smile on his face.

“You never lost?” Tom's eyes were shining with hero worship.

“Heh, nope! Broke a hell of a lot of arms and legs though!” Whites laugh had a slightly maniacal tinge to it. “I wonder which of Cains' limbs I should break?”

Last edited by Gorgrim (Sat-16-Jul-2016 20:53:32)

Scene opens in a hotel suite late at night after the Stormfront tapings.

White storms in, a look of fury on his face and throws his bag violently at the wall.

"Fuck SAKE!" White snarls incoherently at a mirror on the wall. White is still apparently in his ring attire, sweat dripping from his bald pate and a look of hot rage on his face.

"Boss, quiet down! The other guest....." Tom's concerns are cut off as White turns his snarl upon him and he retreats back towards the door, fear drawn across his face as his boss continues to pace around the room, shouting and cursing his luck, Rhys Cain, Paige and Hoo, 4CW, as well as life, the world and everything.

A feint knocking on the door behind him jumps Tommy out of his stupor and he carefully opens it to see a worried night porter.

"Um, Could you and your friend please quiet down, there have been complaints...."

"Look, I'm sorry about this, I'll try and calm him down, I really will...."

"Tell that snivelling little prick to get the hell out of here!" White snarls from across the room before continuing his ranting. Tom flinches at this, his eyes radiating sincere apologies as the colour drains from the Night Porters face.

"Look, we will call the police if we have too...."

"No need, I'll have him calmed down, I promise!" Tom reaches for his wallet and pulls out several bills, handing them to the porter. "Look, I'm sorry for his behaviour... Erm, Can we order some beers and a bottle of Jack Danials....?"

His eyes rolling, the porter pockets the money and nods.

********************

Next day, at breakfast. White is quiet, looking and feeling a little worse for ware, bruises starting to show on his upper arms and shoulders under his vest (undershirt I think for you Americans ;-) )

Tom walks over from the reception desk having just paid the tab. "You ok boss?" White just grunts and reaches for the large mug of coffee in front of him. "Just got a text from the agents at 4CW boss.... " White looks up at Tom questioning. "Looks like the next Storm Front hs been rescheduled for late next month. We got a bit of time off I guess...."

"Hmmm. Fine, book us some plane tickets home Tom. It'll be good to get home for a bit....." White's voice trails off a little wistfully. Tom, surprised, looks to see a flash of tiredness across Whites face.

Looks like life on the road is starting to catch up to him. Seems he might be human after all...

*******************

A week later, walking along the coastal path on Barry island towards the yacht club. The weather is grey and blustery, the sea is rough and the waves are crashing high up the cliffs, driving spray up and over the path. White is leaning on the fence, looking out over the estuary, enjoying the spray, the wind and the lack of company.

Deep in thought White doesn't notice another man come up beside him and lean on the same fence, his back to the sea.

"So, the great Brian White is back. When did that happen?" The man seems to be a medium sized man in his late fifties, heavily muscled, though beginning to move towards fat as he gets older. His grey hair is short and receding, slicked back with a large amount of oil. His features are craggy, his skin weather beaten. He's wearing denim jeans and jacket over a dark t-shirt and a damp cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

His reverie broken, White looks the stranger in the eye before shaking his head. "What do you want Dai?"

"What do I want? Is that the way to greet your oldest friend? Haha. Well, you haven't changed much during your time in America anyway. As tight lipped as always." White just grunts as the man continues what is rapidly becoming a conversation of one.

"Well, as it turns out, I might have something you want. There's a meet tomorrow night, usual place, usual time, usual prizes. Thought you might be interested." Dai chuckles and begins to move off.

"Double prize."

"What?" Dai turns back as he tries to light a fresh cigarette.

"I want double." White straitens and approaches Dai. "Do you understand? If I'm gonna fight for you, I want double."

Dai chuckles and pats the big man on his arm. "That's my boy."

*****************************

Next night, on the Atlantic Industrial Estate in Barry Docks. It's near midnight, people are gathering in a clearing near some of the sheds. Light comes from several cars as they aim their headlights to a central area. A spark from nearby draws some attention as a bonfire is lit, the fire sending dancing shadows across the area. After a while, Dai enters the clearing.

"Welcome everyone to tonight's contest! We have quite the night ahead of us, an old face, a champion no less, has returned to us after months away in America. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, I'm sure he'll be fighting later. Our first bout is about to begin!" With that he moved away towards a car where a big man is leaning nonchalantly. Two men had replaced him in the ring and another was taking money and notes as the crowd begin to bet on the outcome.

"Nice speech" White said as he shuffled himself into a more comfortable position.

"Ha! Yeah. You got to give a show to these people." Dai fished a cigarette out of a pack and offered it to White.

"No thanks.... Quit."

"Really? Well, fair enough" Dai tucks the pack back inside his jacket pocket. "I've got you fighting Trevor Jones. You remember him? You beat the living shit out of him on your last fight here."

"Ha! Yeah, I remember. I hope he's been doing more than just lifting those cargo bales...."

"Oh, he should be a bit of a challenge for you, Whitey-boy! I heard he's been training, hoping to get another shot at you!" Dai chuckles as the two men in the 'arena' begin laying into each other. It's not long before blood is flowing.

Several fights ensue throughout the night, the winners, bruised and battered bloody, lifting their arms at the mock adulation of the crowd, the losers dragged away to the 'first aid' area. Money changes hands as the winners gloat and the losers dismay and the bookies pockets get fatter and fatter. Dai, his smile very wide now given the night takings, enters the arena again and the crowd hushes.

"You've been waiting all night for this folks, it's time for our main event!" The crowd cheer enthusiastically and several car horns join in. "He's been away for some time, but I am proud to present to you, our friend, our former champion, you're seen him on TV, Brian, 'The Freight Train' WHIIIIITE!" The crowd pops as Brian walks into the arena, flexing his shoulders and scanning the crowd, a look of cold anger in his eyes.

"And his opponent, he faced White in his last fight and now he's out for revenge, I give you, Trevor, 'Big Stones' Jones!" The crowd cheer again as a middle aged and heavy set man walks into the arena, he's considerably shorter than White, but is built like a barn. And even though he is shorter, it doesn't look like he;s giving much weight up to White. His facial features are mostly covered by a thick dark beard, but his eyes radiate hate and are fixed on his opponent.

The Bookies come forward and money starts flowing and White looks his opponent up and down. "Been a long time, Trev. You're looking well."

"Huh, well.... You broke my arm last time you soulless bastard! Lost a month and a half of work 'cus of you. So you owe me, big time!"

"That so?" White smiles chillingly at the shorter man. "Maybe this time I'll break your leg!"

The mans face breaks into a snarl of rage and with a shout from Dai, he races forwards, his fists raised to deliver a hard right to Whites face, but before it connects, White blocks it with his arm and starts raining down punches of his own. Trev laughs as the punches land.

"Gone soft have ya?" he shouts as a barrage of hits force White back towards the crowd.

Shit! I gotta stop pulling my punches, this is real! Get it together Brian, remember where you are! And with a shout of rage he delivers a devastating knee to Trevor's gut, forcing the wind out for a second and allowing White some space to mentally readjust. As the two come together again the punches start flying and knees and elbows start to come into play as both try and find an advantage over the other, but neither finding that chink just yet. As they break off, Trevor taunts White again. "Hah, that fake fighting you do in the US really has made you soft! I remember your punches hurting a lot more last time!"

"Is that so? Then try this out for size!" As the combatants come together, this time White grabs Trevor around the waist and plants the smaller man on his back with a belly to belly suplex before driving his forearm and elbow repeatedly into his face, breaking his nose and busting his lip before he's thrown off.

"You fuckin' bashtard!" Trevor is now truly raging as his injuries begin to set off survival instincts and with a roar he charges in, his hands out like claws as he tries to go for Whites throat. White on the other hand sees his chance and goes in low for a heavy spear, again knocking Trevor to the ground and forcing the air out as he lands on a particularly stony patch. Without waiting, White quickly grabs one of Trevor's feet and lifts up, applying pressure to the side and forcing him to turn over, before forcibly applying an ankle lock. Between the gasps of air, shouts of pain begin from Trevor as he tries to lift his body up to decrease the pressure but finally Whites height advantage truly comes to the fore as he stands nearly his full height. The shouts intensify as White pushes harder and Trevor begins to beat a tattoo into the ground. With a final snarl White yanks the foot in a direction it was never meant to go and with a scream and an audible snap, Trevor's ankle breaks and White let's him flop to the ground.

The crowd cheer as Dai comes forward to declare Brian the winner. He looks over at the whimpering man on the floor as a few attendants wonder over to him. "Told you I'd break your leg...!" White laughs and allows Dai to raise his arm. Moaning and crying to the tone of "I'm gonna kill him! Fucking bashtard...." follow him as he leaves the arena.

Later after the crowd disperses, Dai approaches White as he's leaning on his car bonnet taping his knuckles and tosses him a towel. "You got a cut, just below your left eye, Whitey-boy. He got a few good ones on you at least! Hahahah!"

"Don't call me that Dai..." White grunts as he raises the towel to his face. A large red patch is evident as he removes it so he puts it back in the hopes stopping the bleeding. "So, where's my money?"

"Hah! Always the business man Whitey-boy! That was quite the performance you put on there. Certainly made me a lot of money! Here you go, £1000, cash. Like you wanted, double prize money, but for you, it's worth it! Hahaha!"

White catches the pouch one handed and tosses it gently in his hand. With a grunt and a somewhat sour look towards Dai, White enters his car and starts it up.

"Good doing business with you Whitey-boy. If you're ever in Barry, drop me a line, would be good for both of us!"

White drives off as Dai waves him away, chuckling to himself. "A very profitable night indeed, oh yes!"

**************************

Evening, the next day. Tom's phone rings. He picks it up the see Whites name as the call ID.

"Hey boss, how's things?"

"When can you book tickets back to the States?"

"Want to go back already?" Tom sounds surprised and a little sad to hear he may be going back so soon.

"Yeah, got some stuff I want to sort out at 4CW HQ...."

"Erm, ok boss, I'll have a look, gimme a sec..." Tom grabs his laptop and quickly does a few searches. I suppose..... Er..... There's a flight out to New York next Monday we could make.... Not too expensive for business class either...."

"Yeah, that'll do. Sort out the train to Heathrow and let me know."

"You got it boss!" The phone goes dead before Tom finishes speaking. Tom shrugs and get's on with his work as his mother tuts at him as she continues to prepare dinner.

If you actually managed to read all that, I'd appreciate a little feedback. I don't really consider myself a writer, so any tips and critiques would be welcome :-)

Last edited by Gorgrim (Sat-16-Jul-2016 21:15:29)

Without letting too much of my inner English prof out, and noting ahead that I'm not one for real world violence (the street fighting stuff presented here)...

This is solid stuff. I am unfamiliar with White's backstory so Dai is new to me, but I do like their interactions and the descriptiveness on the coastal scene is well done. The weariness/showing more of the human side of Freight Train is a nice touch.

But yeah - beyond the obvious, I like it. Not sure how to critique exactly, as your RPing style is quite different from mine. Maybe I'll suggest fleshing out some of your scenes/settings a little more, before moving the characters through them and interacting within them. Most noticeable in the breakfast scene - where this is taking place, what the place looks like (this can be kept fairly short, mind) is learned kinda late. I mean, I worked it out, but after being walked through a scene I'd not had a visual grip on, you know?

Here's what I mean. All we know starting out is "White is having breakfast" - not where (not even indoors or outdoors), or who's around, if he's at a table, booth, having breakfast in bed, who knows. The next thing we know is "Tom is walking over from the reception desk". So now, I imagine... say, Brian sitting at a small table in a dining area of the hotel, across from the lobby area - kinda like in Fawlty Towers, but being as Tom simply walks over, I imagine an open archway rather than a room with doors - or maybe with doors, but left open. See what I'm getting at here? Some things can be left to one's imagination, but the scene should be clear before the second paragraph and give a reasonably clear mental image. I have the opposite issue to yours. Like Brian White himself, you're a bit laconic. I'm too verbose! Something I struggle with.

Keep up the good work.

Thanks Paige, I appreciate the critique :-)

I see what you mean about the breakfast scean. I do kinda write on the fly, so things like that might sometimes pass me by. And on that, yeah, Dai is new to me too! Essentially if you read the history section on the profile, you'll see that White was pretty much forced to fight in his youth. Dai would be the one who was at the forefront of that situation, hence the less than warm reception he get's from White, despite Dai's relatively friendly nature. He might pop up again, but given the length of time between shows, I though it'd be cool to explore Whites history in South Wales and some of the people who made him the sullen SoB he is today ;-)

Pretty cool. Like I said, Dai and White works for me, and exploring backstory is always good too. Sometimes you surprise yourself! When I was writing for Oki-Kira in 2011, I had no idea what his background was and he was as mysterious to me as to the other RPers! Good to take time and delve backwards from where you started.

Sorry it's taken me so long to get this done! But it is now :-D I just hope I'm not too late... :-P

Scene opens the morning after Stormfront. White and Tommy are breakfasting in the restaurant. The early morning sun is shining through the tall windows giving the place a glow and promising to be a beautiful summers day.

White and Tommy are sitting at a table quietly finishing their food, some bruises showing on Whites head and face, his usual scowl in place, though overlaid is a thoughtfulness that is unusual to see there.

“So boss...” Tommy's voice betrays a subtle nervousness. “On to the finals, eh?” Tommy,obviously expecting a tirade about not winning the match and is surprised that it doesn't come.

“Huh? Oh, yeah... On to the finals...” The thoughtful scowl actually begins to morph into a thoughtful smile as he looks at Tommy, who immediately feels a cold chill run down his spine. White, not breaking eye contact with the young man, reaches into a side pocket of his bag that's lying under the table and pulls out a stuffed envelope. Quickly glancing down at it, he throws it across the table at Tommy. Confused, he opens it and pulls out a sheaf of papers, all seemingly  headed by the 4CW logo.

“What's this boss?”

“Just read it kid.”

Tommy begins reading and his eyes quickly light up. “It's a contract of employment?!”

“Yeah. You're now officially my.. Er, what was it... Social Media Manager, or something... I though it was about time yo at least got paid to be my bitch!” White chuckles to himself and Tommy's eyes betray a flash of hurt. “And it means that you can pay for your own board too.... Still, it's useful to me to have you on staff finally. At last you can get backstage with me now. And I have some plans for you to do with the finals match against Cain...” White chuckles to himself again, another sound that ends a sliver of ice down Tommy's back.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later that day, in the hotel room. White is on the phone.

“Er, hi.. Marie... Hi, yeah... I know. Um, I wanted to speak to you... Yeah, about the Soul Survivor finals? Uh huh... Can we meet? You haven't left town yet have you? No, great. How 'bout 8 tonight? Aaaaat.... The Three Horseshoes? Right... See ya then... Yeah I know... Right... ta-ra...”

“Hmph... That went better than expected...”

“What's going on boss?”

“You'll find out later tonight Tommy.” White settles down to read his paper. Tommy, still burning with questions, shrugs and truns back to his, now official, work.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That evening, in a small pub in downtown New York. It's an English style pub, seemingly a little dark and dingy, but with a decent selection of local ales and other beverages behind the bar and some decent music across the hi-fi system, there does seem to be a nice atmosphere. White and Tommy enter and look around, White seeing Marie Dubois giving something of a half hearted wave to the two newcomers,and they make their way to her table. Marie is wearing a black blows and tight blue jeans with thigh high boots. Her long leather jacket is hanging from the back of her chair. Her face shows a mixture of curiosity and dislike as the two men approach. Her eyes linger a little on Tommy, who blushes slightly at the woman's scrutiny.

“Who's the kid?” Marie, away from the cameras, really lets her native Cajun accent be free.

“Marie, meet Tommy, my social media manager.”

Tommy gives an awkward wave as Marie snorts. “That's a big title! So what do you want Brian? What is it you want from the woman you degrade every show?” There's a fire behind Marie's eyes as she says this.

“Oh, come on love! I'm meant to be a heel in this company, which is great for me cus I'm not a nice person!” White chuckles a little as Marie arches her eyebrows at him, her arms crossed.

“Yo don't have to be so much of a dick about it....” She shakes her head as if to hake some cobwebs out. “I'm sure you didn't invite me here to trade insults all night, although I'm sure we could do....”

“No.. I didn't. I want to talk about Rhys Cain.” Marie's eyebrows arch again. White glances momentarily at Tommy. “And Carstein.....”

In a gym, white light permeates the room, enveloping everything in a harsh glare. Mirrors cover an entire wall reflecting the Welsh Dragon on the opposite wall. Various people are working on the different apparatus, mostly ignoring the other workers in the room, their headphones clearly visible. A few tv's are hung from the ceiling at different points, showing some crappy music channel that is even more ignored. White is working at the end of the room among the free weights. 

A young man moves through the room, nodding at any that makes eye contact, but his attention is fixed on the big man at the back.

“Hey boss.” Tommy reaches the bench that White is working on and with a nod from the big man, moves behind to help secure the bar.

“What's the news, Tommy?” White asks as he sit up.

Tommy picks up a towel from the floor and hands it to White. “Soul Survivor final has been rescheduled for Gallows End. Marie's asked if we're still on.”

Taking the towel, White grunts. “Yeah, we're still on. How's your training coming?”

“He doesn't have the easiest move set to learn boss, but it's coming. My trainer said he was quite impressed by how quickly I was picking it all up.”

White grunts again and stands up and surveys the gym. “It's been a while since I've been here... It's good to be back...” White muses quietly, lost in thought as the memories of the past six months come flooding back.

“Yeah!” Tommy laughs. “Last time we were here you practically threw me into the wall! It's been a crazy ride boss, and I told you I'd be here at the end.”

White laughs again, some of his usual malice coming back a he shakes his head and prepares to leave. “Only 'cus you've been useful to me kiddo. Continue and you can stick around.”

*********

A week later, at the T-Rock's Wrestling Gym in Queens, New York. It's early in the day and as such very few people are there, except for Brian White, Tommy, Marie Dubois and the  head trainer Tony Rock. Marie is relaxing on a couch near the main training ring watching Tommy and Tony work, a look of concentration on her face as she watches Tommy move.

White comes and stands next to her. “How's he looking?”

“For a man who's only really been training for the past four months?” Marie looks up at the big man, her eyes hooded and her Cajun accent very apparent. “He'll do... You don't expect him to actually compete though, right?”

White shrugs his shoulders. “Not if I can help it.” He wonders over to ringside as Marie languorously lies back on the couch to watch.

White hops up onto the apron as Tommy and Tony finish their session and Tony claps the smaller man on the shoulders encouragingly.

“Got a few things I want to add to my move set for this match against Cain. A double underhook DDT and a modified Tongan Deathgrip.”

Tony chuckles at this. “You really are trying to fuck with Rhys' mind aren't you Bry.”

White shrugs as he grins maliciously a Tony. “And why the hell not?”

“You always were a bit of a sadist,  remember that much from our bouts back in the day.... Alright Brian, let's see what we can do.”

********

In a hotel suit, a week before the Gallows Eve PPV. Brian White and Marie Dubois are scrutinising Tommy as he stands in his new ring gear. White looks questioningly at Marie, who nods her head slowly.

“We're getting there... Just needs a wig and we'll be there.” She looks over at White. “If you do your job properly, Cain should fall for it, especially given the low light.”

White smiles to himself. “That shouldn't be a problem Marie, Cain's gonna have the surprise of his life on Sunday!” Laughing, White moves to the door, Marie following, giving Tommy chance to change back.

Tommy sighs, “I hope this works...”

Last edited by Gorgrim (Mon-30-Oct-2017 22:23:58)

A few days after Stormfront.

The phone rings for a little while as Tommy paces about the foyer of the 4CW offices.

"Come on Bri, pick up..." *Click* "Great, Hey Boss..."

"You've reached Brian White. Sorry I can't pick up right now, leave a message and I'll get back to ya..." *Beeeeeeeep*

Tommy sighs. "Boss, they're starting to really get pissed here. Please can you get in touch, there's only so much I can do without you."

Tommy shakes his head and looks up to see one of the producers looking at him. With a shrug in his direction that speaks volumes, Tommy leaves the offices, trying to think what to do next.

**************

White replaces his phone in his pocket as it stops vibrating. It was the fourth time Tommy had rung that day and he hadn't picked up a single time. Sure he was still smarting at the loss to Cain, but that was the wrestling business. The angle had worked out how he had wanted to an extent, the crowd pop was an awesome feeling and even Cain had shaken his hand afterwards in recognition of the story given. It was a good match. But that wasn't why he was ignoring Tommy and the agents....

White looks out again over the darkening waters of the Severn Estuary as he leans against a railing. He'd come back to Wales without telling anyone, a decision he felt he had little choice in, but still didn't wholly regret.

A man comes up beside him and leans against the fence, his back to the water. "You like this place, don't ya Whitey-boy, this was where I found you last time...."

White turns to look at his former mentor and glared. "What the hell Dai? You know I have a job over there. What's so fucking important that I have to miss a fucking show to come see you?"

"As usual, strait to the point. You really need to learn to relax more Whitey-boy, take pleasure in your surroundings." A match flares as Dai lights a cigarette. He casually throws the spent match over the cliff and breaths out a cloud of smoke. White continues to glare at him, saying nothing.

"You seem to have gained some success recently Whitey-boy, much more than you would've staying here on the street fight scene. So, I think it's about time you shared some of that success with your friends...."

White's stare turns from a glare to surprise. "What? Why the hell should I do that? And I know by friends, you mean you, so don't bother trying to sugar coat that."

"Why, Whitey-boy, all that after I took you under my wing? Got you a job, taught you to fight, gave you the instinct to survive and even flourish in this world? I'm disappointed in you, especially after all the things we've been through together." Although Dai's voice was still friendly, the glow from his cigarette betrayed a hardness to his eyes.

White turns away and begins to walk off. "I can make things very difficult for you Whitey-boy...." White turns round, a look of rage on his face as he faces Dai again, who hasn't moved from his relaxed position against the fence.

"You son of a bitch! You're trying to blackmail me now?! Forget it you bastard, not now, not anytime soon! You aren't getting anything from me!" White storms off, leaving Dai against the fence.

"I thought you were smarter than that, Whitey-boy" Dai says as he steps out his cigarette.

***********************

A week later, back in the USA.

Tommy looks up as the door to the apartment he's renting with White opens revealing the big man himself, looking as surly as ever. He drops his bag near the door and sit's heavily on the couch. Tommy stands up from his desk.

"What the, er, Bri! Where the hell did you disappear to?" Tommy is dumbfounded at the sudden appearance of his friend. White doesn't respond. "Er, the producers have been trying to get hold of you..."

"I know, I spoke to someone at the office earlier."

"Oh, right.... So, where you been all this time?" White shoots a glare at Tommy, who immediately raises his hands in defence and sits back down. "So you don't want to talk about it, no problem." Tommy shifts back to his desk and pretends to go back to his computer, all the while keeping an eye of White. "So, er... The new boss was particularly pissed you no showed the last show...."

"Hmph...." White continues to stare a hole into the wall. Tommy takes a breath to try again, but White beats him to the punch. "Spoke to her earlier too. Even apologised to the bitch! Hah! Well, anyway, we got a meeting with creative next Wednesday to plan out what's gonna happen next show."

Tommy nods as if to himself. "Ok, cool...." And quietly got back to his work.

Last edited by Gorgrim (Tue-31-Jan-2017 17:05:43)

Scene opens in T-Rocks Gym, Tony Rock himself is in the ring with two other men. A few others are doing matt work and general exercise routines. Brian White enters the gym and practically falls on the old couch near the ring, watching the men train. Tony turns and sees the big man sitting there and jumps down with a smile.

“Hey Bri, how's it hangin', man?”

“Hmph!” White grunts and Tony chuckles to himself.

“Same old Bri! So what brings you here again? You want to use someone else's moves?” Tony smiles again.

“Hah! Keep that up and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor!” Tony grins at the big man at this. “I'm here because of him.”

White points back as the door opens as Tommy enters. In contrast to Whites street casual jeans t-shirt and jacket look, Tommy is dressed in a lose fitting t-shirt and shorts and trainers. He looks around to room before going and finding a spot to stretch and warm up. Tony looks expectantly at White.

“He's been pestering me since Gallow's End for more training.” White shrugs. “I'm sure as hell not gonna train him, and as you did such a good job....”

Tony nods and looks over at the young man. “Well, the kid did show some talent last time you were here. Ok man, you got it.”

************

A few hours later, White is still sat on the couch, several coffee cups now littering
the floor, Tony jumps down from the ring again having finally sent Tommy off to the showers.

“Well, the kid sure has potential. Ah think you have a true Cruiserweight there the way he was jumping 'bout the ring. The kid has spirit, man, a lot of it.” Tony looks down at the big man, who hadn't really said a word during the session. White just stares impassively at the ring. “Hey, what's eatin' you?”

“Nuthin'... Ah, fuck it! I didn't ask for this.... I feel like the kids damn guardian!”

“Man, you serious?! How'd he end up wit' cho anyway? You bein' such a nice guy an' all!”

“He followed me to the tapings of the first Stormfront and I said he could stay if he stayed useful to me. Seems the little bugger has managed that... Shit.... I thought I was fuckin' him over so he'd go home. Seems like I did him a favour instead”

Tony just laughs and makes his way back to his office. “You owe me Bri!” he shouts back over his shoulder.

************

White smiles as he reads through the email Tommy was showing him. “Rhys, your ass is mine this time!”

I didn't judge your RP for the latest show, but I will provide some feedback regardless.

What I liked:
-The esatablished rapport between Tony Rock and Brian White provided a nice setting for the RP. We got to see a little more about the relationship with Tommy and Tony.

What could be improved:
-It was a little short. Length of the RPs isn't a very important aspect to me; but this RP felt a little lacking, like it only told half a story.
-The last line about White reading emails felt out of place with the rest of the RP.

Again, I didn't judge this RP for our match (so my opinions on your RP are not relevant to the match result) - but as Head Booker, it wouldn't be fair not to provide you feedback like I've done everyone else. The basis of a good RP is there, it just needs a little tweaking in future to make it a bit more substantial.

Cool, thanks for the feedback. I kind of like the thing I started with Tony Rock, I must admit, a nice little nod to BW's past. I will admit though that the last line really was just a throw away reaction to the booking. I'll try harder next time ;-)

White shook out his paper as he turned the page, the afternoon sun pouring in through the deli cafe in Brooklyn. The cafe was practically empty at that time, only the waitress behind the counter and an older gentleman enjoying a coffee present. The cafe was small and the walls were filled with pictures of Brooklyn and New York throughout the years and newspaper clippings of major events. The one showing the World Trade Centre going down still felt like a shrine even sixteen years later.

“World seems to be going to hell... again” White mumbled to himself.

“More coffee sir?” White looked up in surprise at the waitress as she proffered the coffee pot.

“Thanks” White nodded, before briefly enjoying the view as the young woman moved away. He chuckled to himself again as he shook the paper out again.

White had been there for a few hours by now. Tommy was training with Tony Rock again, so it was nice to get out for a while. Tony was right, White knew, Tommy really did have talent. White grimaced. It wasn't like he wasn't happy for the kid, or even a little proud of the progress Tommy was making, but by his own admittance, White wasn't a nice guy, didn't know how to be a nice guy, and frankly didn't know how to act towards Tommy.

Thinking back to his own youth and his time in Barry, he remembered meeting Dai for the first time, the man who got him his job on the dock, the man who would become his mentor and friend, the closest thing to an actual father figure he'd had for some time, after his own Dad had left years before, before he was thrown to the wolves and forced to fight for survival. White had always been a big and strong boy, though generally quiet, lacking in confidence and unwilling to show is full strength for fear of hurting someone.... Naïve basically. It didn't take too long for Dai to break that in him, the bastard.... White grunted to himself, chewing his lower lip in frustration as the memories came flooding back.

A big dumb, naïve seventeen year old, taken to some old sheds on Barry Docks, where several other men were waiting. They'd spent the next hour beating him, laughing at his clumsy attempts at defence, whilst Dai had just stood there, smoking a cigarette, ignoring Whites pleas for this to stop. He'd been dragged back there the next night too, and the one after that before White finally cracked and broke the nose of one of the men. That was when Dai finally intervened, motioning for a couple of men to restrain White. The man was chuckling!

White realised he was actually growling quietly to himself, his knuckles gone white as they gripped through the paper, it's contents ignored and forgotten.

Dai had said they would make a lot of money together, fighting in local street fights and bare knuckle boxing contests with local dock workers and traveller groups, though Whites first fight didn't go so well. Dai had been angry and had beat White himself after that loss. “Fucking bastard!”

“Sir?!” White jolted out of his thoughts, staring up at the waitress, he face worried, her posture defensive. Even the older gentleman on the other side of the room had looked up.

“Err... Sorry...” he mumbled lamely and the waitress moved back to the bar, eyeing him warily. White tried to get back to his paper, tried to occupy his mind with other things, any thing, even his feud with Ms Coxx, but his thoughts wondered back again.

He started winning fights, and Dai started collecting money and White started to learn to survive and develop the street smarts and cunning he would come to rely on in the next few years. He watched as Dai rose up to become a leader in the local underworld, if it could be called that, gaining influence beyond just the local area, developing business interests outside of just the fights he was promoting. And even with all the money he was apparently making, it still seemed like White hardly saw any of it.

White realised he was grinding his teeth by now. It was some time before he had realised that Dai was short changing him, and by the time White confronted him about it, Dai just laughed it off, claiming that he'd just earned his full share. White remembered the feeling of elation as Dai handed over a wad of cash with a promise of more every time he won. White hadn't cared, he was still young and he enjoyed beating up people. It wasn't until Dai was busted for drug running a couple of years later that White realised that he needed to get out. White remembered being close to the end of his tether, not knowing what to do when he first saw a poster for a wrestling school.

White realised that he was starting to feel better already, thinking about his life since leaving the Barry fight scene. Though he was a bit baffled as to why his thoughts centred on that time. His mood back to that of perennial peevishness, he just shrugged and assumed it might have something to do with the unknown factor of his Revival match.

Getting back to his paper, he nodded his thanks as the waitress came up and refilled his cup again.

I'll admit, I haven't been keeping up on the Freight Train of late. That said, I've just read through your most recent character development RP and would like to comment/critique/compliment... all that good stuff! Using Rhys's model for this one...

What I liked:
Brian White's dark and troubled history with Dai and the Barry village fight scene really works for me. I mentioned this in a previous review, too. I read him as haunted and damaged by this time—yet grateful for where it led, in spite of himself. Maybe the former more than the latter. Maybe I'm wrong! But yeah—I liked their interaction by the coast and how it played it then, and I like the exploration of the emotional impact all of his fight club experiences have had on him.

I also noted in my review of the first White/Dai RP that your description of the breakfast setting and related minor details were lacking in places. It's pretty cool that in reviewing this RP, I get to critique another scene in which White is sitting and drinking coffee. This is like the reverse of that. The setting here is well done. It's got just enough meat to make the place feel realistic and familiar—a very "human" setting, one that readers can easily envision for ourselves—but with enough personal touches to make it feel "alive". Sometimes, I smother my scenes with too many details or my wordiness—it comes naturally to me, but without going into a whole thing, I do realize it's not the way most people see things. They want to apply their own mental imagery and fill in blanks where it feels natural do so, rather than be weighed down with too many specifics—which can also hurt one's pacing. Incidentally, this very paragraph is quite long!
Short version: this scene "breathes" well. Good job.

-The simple, subtle visible/audible emotional responses White makes (without realizing) in this RP feel right for the character and are evocative, without being overt. It's the right setting for a low-key RP like that, too. This isn't the same bull, or even the same China shop, haha. Sometimes, less really is more.

-A small thing: whereas (by the looks of it) the length of the previous RP was rather short, this RP is juuust right, Whitey-locks. 😉

-Another small one: I love the word "proffer". Haven't seen that one in text for a good while, now.

What could be improved:
-I really like this RP and don't see much to critique here, but I can give some small suggestions. My first tip has to do with the use of extraneous characters in a scene. In this setting, we have 3 characters: White, the server and the "older gentleman". The latter is purely a background character—part of the scenery, basically. He was made note of, as well as what he was doing, and that's the end of it. His reaction to White's utterance of "Fucking bastard!" is as much in the background as he himself is. That's 100% okay—no more is needed; though on a personal note, I would maybe have added one or two small details, i.e. greying hair, well-dressed or something else of that sort. But again—it's fine as-is. With that said, however, the server is a different form of extraneous character. By nature of her job, she enters/exits/re-enters White's immediate space now and then, interacting with him directly: serving coffee; inquiring about a re-fill; being startled by him; and rousing him from his angry thoughts. Mentioning things like her expression and posture are a nice touch. But because she is an active player in the scene, a bit of detail here and there would go a long way. A bit about her appearance, or tone when she first speaks—is she bright and chipper, maybe? Sounding and/or looking a little stressed or tired, being on her feet all morning? Even a little thing like a smile or a scowl—something that makes her just a bit more than a movable set piece on a stage, basically. Again—noting her reactions to White was a solid move that helps humanize her—but it hinges on the main player's action. I haven't really had use for this in m writing of late, but I try to think of extraneous characters in tiers, basically:

Setting extra: Any unnamed background character whose use is limited to setting a scene or being a cog in the wheel (a small, serviceable reaction from outside the active scene) of a greater machine (the active scene/the main dialogue). The "older gentleman" in this scene is in this tier.

Scene extra: Any unnamed background character whose use is similar to that of a tier 1 extra, but with a presence that can be felt as well as observed. They may have lines, perform minor actions to perform that are worthy (or necessary, as in the case of this server) to make note of. The waitress in this scene is a 2nd tier extra.

Story extra: An extension of "scene extra", this is any named or unnamed background/minor character whose actions and/or speech in a scene is limited, but in a way that helps move the scene along, or has greater/more lasting impact than that of a "scene extra". The night porter, from the first RP with Dai and the fight club, exemplifies this.

I hope that I've been in some way helpful. I look forward to seeing more of Brian White's character as it develops and grows. Great work, Gorgrim. 🙂
EDIT:
I'd like to note that in your debut RP, your use of a bartender as a "scene extra" level  character was decent, actually. When you need a background character of that sort, take use that bit of writing as a reference and if it feels right, flesh 'em out a little.

Last edited by Pilgrim Paige (Fri-24-Mar-2017 00:37:47)

Putting me to shame with that feedback, Paige! 😋

Putting me to shame with that feedback, Paige! 😋

Haha, thanks, Rhys. I appreciate your feedback on my feedback. 😋 I look forward to reading your review of this RP as well! Is it too much to ask for feedback on both my RPs when you get the time? Lotta work went those—especially Witch Hazel's, to be quite honest. Had trouble getting into writing mode for a good while and ran outta time at the very end with the second RP, finished it right before the deadline. I sometimes spends days and days, like on Hazel's. Also, I'm trying to mind the pace of my Paige/Tsukiko "developments" and struggled to find the right scenario/not take it too far.

Wow, well thanks for that Paige, really appreciate the feedback, not to mention the time it took for you to write it! I'll try and have a read of your stuff and repay the favour :-)

You're quite welcome! If you get a chance, feedback is welcome, for sure.

Immediately after Stormfront.

Brian White runs out into the back lot of the arena, Tommy close behind shouting questions and being completely ignored by White. Stopping suddenly and looking around, White starts growling incoherently to himself, continuing to scan his surroundings. Finally catching up, Tommy hunches over with his hands on his knees before repeating his questions.

“What the hell is going on boss? You kinda freaked back there during the show, and now this?!”

White turns his gaze onto Tommy, who steps back momentarily as the fire in Whites gaze bores a hole into him. White takes another look round, apparently not seeing what he's looking for and turns back to the backstage door to grab his gear.

“Brian, please mate, what's going on?” Tommy follows and pleads to the big man.

Finally White responds. “It's nothing, just leave it...”

“Bri...”

“I mean it!” The anger in White's tone stops Tommy short again. “Stay out of this Tommy, it's not worth it!”

Tommy stands there speechless for a second as White re-enters the building before running to catch up again.

******************

A few days later White and Tommy are returning from a training session at T-Rocks. Tommy is exhilarated, more than happy with the pace of his training and looking forward to his debut match with an indy promotion T-Rock had connections with.

White on the other hand was glowering, his mood foul since StormFront. Tommy had tried over the last few days to open him up about what was going on, but the last time nearly had him thrown bodily onto a plane back to the UK so he'd let it drop finally. Whatever it was though had him worried. White had spent the entirety of the session in the adjoining gym room working on the free weights as opposed to his usual position on the couch by the ring. If felt kinda weird not having him watching and making slightly derivative comments about his technique, but then, it was also kind of freeing too....

Tommy shook his head and looked to his friend and mentor, even if he didn't know it, and sighed. Throwing his kit back in the back of their rental he got and started the engine as White got in the passenger side.

“So... Should we grab a bite to eat or just get home?”

White just grunted.

“Lunch it is then. Bri, if you're gonna tell me to drop it maybe you should take your own advice too you know.” White just ignores him. “Fair enough...” And Tommy sets off to find some grub.
******************

What the fuck is going on? What is that bastard thinking?! When I get my hands on him....

White smiles as his thoughts turn to violence. He knew he hadn't been thinking too strait since the last show, and he was man enough to admit that his segment very nearly went right up the shitter and only experience and professionalism had saved his skin there. He couldn't believe that some could actually be trying to sabotage his career like this, and someone who had been his mentor and father figure for so long...

That thought made him laugh, drawing Tommy's attention, but Brian just ignored the questioning glance. That boy had been asking a lot of questions recently.... Anyway, father figure... Hah! Not much of one if he was any judge! And now Dai was here. White just shook his head as they got ready to leave the restaurant Tommy had chosen, though in his current state, White had barely even registered the place, let alone the food.

His mood continued foul as Tommy drove them back to the apartment, this time wisely staying quiet. White really didn't want to get the boy mixed up in this. Despite outward appearances, he was genuinely starting the like the kid. He was smart, talented and had a bright future if he didn't get himself caught up in the sort of crap that seemed to follow White around... God dammit! He was getting soft! But then life had been more than imitating art for a long time.

Maybe the kid is right... I need to get my head back in the game, gotta prepare for this mystery opponent at Revival...

“You heard any rumours about who this guy I'm fighting is gonna be?”

Tommy almost jumped out of his skin as the big guy finally opened up.

“Erm... Sorry boss, not much. People are chucking names about like nobodies business, especially after Jon Viper's return... Though it seems that a lot of people at the offices are expecting Carstein to finally show up!” They both laughed a bit at this.

“No clues from management then?”

“Nope... I think they're more than happy to let the office drones spread rumours and gossip. And to be honest, they may have started that rumour themselves to make the actual opponent an even bigger surprise.”

“Makes sense. Ok then, just the usual training routine then.” White slumps back into his brooding as a small smile breaks across Tommy's face.

Looks like he's getting his head back in the game.

*********************

A few days before Revival.

A letter comes through the door, addressed to White. Tommy picks is up and takes it to White who was in his usual spot on the couch reading a paper, and hands the envelope to him without much thought.
A couple of minuets later Tommy hears enraged shouting and thumping and runs to the lounge.

“What the hell?!” Tommy stops to see White put another dent in the plaster. “Bri, what's up?”

In answer White throws another punch and gestures at the scrunched piece of paper on the floor. Confused and curious, Tommy picks it up and unravels as White's rage continues.

Whitey-boy

Good luck on Sunday, you're gonna need it!

Your oldest friend.

P.S. Keep your eye that kid who's hanging out with you.

“Bri...?”

“I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch!” Looking over at Tommy, he softens slightly. “I didn't want you mixed up in this. I'm sorry kid. Just keep an eye out this weekend, things could get a little more real than you're used too...”

The developing plot with the mystery man who has been bothering White is intriguing because he rarely seems bothered by anything yet he is actively and outwardly repelled by this person. Using Tommy Young as a point of view of the story at certain points is done well and effective in getting both two sides of White: his inner monologue and how he is portrayed by other people in his presence. The developing relationship between White and his apprentice is also a welcome addition to the story and not only allows White to show a softer side but also helps develop Young into a potential character to be used in the future on the show.

It will be interesting to see where the story advances from here and it is good that there are two or three different threads that could be picked up whenever relevant.

The evening of Revival, after the show.

Brian and Tommy leave the arena via the loading bays at the back and make their way towards the car. White is holding his newly won title over his shoulder whilst Tommy is pretty much dancing with joy, punching the air and whooping with delight. White on the other hand is watchful, his eyes darting this way and that, trying to see all around him, paying special attention to the shadows.

“Come on Bri, you should be celebrating! You just won the Universal Championship! Hahaha!”

“Will you please shut it!” White hisses at the young man. The tension is obvious in his voice as he turns on Tommy. “Yeah, I won this belt, and all that it implies, but that's not what I'm worried about right now. So, until we get back to the damned hotel, can you keep that gaping trap of yours shut!”

“Now, now, that's no way to speak to the young man, Whitey Boy!”

Much to Tommy's shock, White visibly starts and the new voice interrupts. It takes a second to register with Tommy, but he too soon turns in shock to the voice as it is quite obviously a South Wales accent.

Out from behind a lorry steps out a middle aged man of middling hight, obviously well muscled though beginning to fade to fat in his old age, he's wearing leather boots, jeans and a denim jacket and an attitude of total confidence in himself and his surroundings that seems to put White on edge. They begin to hear chuckling as a number of other men make their presence known behind the man, and unlike the first man, these all seemed to be armed with a variety of bats and poles. The looks in their eyes seem to indicate that someone is going to get hurt tonight.

“Shit! Tommy, get the fuck out of here!” White doesn't break eye contact with the leader. Tommy hesitates, looking around at White.

“But... but...”

“NOW!” White roars, making Tommy jump. But this time, the young man turns back to the arena and runs, though he does slow down and hide behind another vehicle to watch without anyone noticing.

The leader steps forward towards the big man, a predatory smile on his face, his eyes going to the belt over Whites shoulder.

“I suppose congratulations are in order” he nods towards the belt and smiles. “That was a well fought match. Though you can't tell me that this crap is better than what you were doing back home? This play fighting can't compare to the real thing, eh?” The man chuckles at his question, as he subtly motions the men behind to step forward too.

White just stares him down, not raising to the bait. Growling he eventually replies. “What do you want, Dai?”

The man smiles again. “I want what is owed to me Whitey Boy, of course.”

“Owed to you? Jack shit! That's what I owe you, nothing!”

“Ah, but I beg to differ. You owe me everything! Your home, your life, your career!” HE laughs as he spreads his hands out to encompass the whole world. His eyes dart back to White, anger held in check now showing as the man starts to advance again. “Without me, you'd have been nothing, at best just some big dumb shit sticking the shelves in Tescos! But I gave to you chance, I got you your job, trained you to survive, to fight, to win! I gave you opportunities to excel and to make money. I taught you to enjoy the suffering of your opponent. I taught you to use that considerable strength of yours to your advantage. It was me, Whitey Boy! I gave you everything! And I can take it all back too!” With a flick of his head, he 4 men behind him surrounded White, and for the first time he looked at them and recognized them all. Men with whom he had worked at the docks in Barry, and with whom he had fought in Dai's fight club.

“What are you gonna do, Dai?” Standing firm, White eyed all the men, his eyes lingering on the ugly face of Trevor Jones, broken and missing teeth evident in a smile that contained no mirth, just the anticipation of a hyena moving in for the kill.

“What am I going to do?” Dai chuckles ominously at White. “Why, I'm going to take what I'm owed, like I always do. You should know that already Whitey Boy... Get him!”

With that final remark the four men pounce, swinging their makeshift weapons at the big man. White jumps to the side, intercepting one of the men with a heavy shoulder barge, but the others had anticipated such a move and a baseball bat swung out to catch the side of his knee. Howling in pain White starts to lash out at anybody that come in range, rage adding strength to his own swings as one staggers out of the melee with a broken noes and another is winded. But the battle doesn't last long as the numbers and weapons quickly become too much to White. Finally, bloodied and battered, they haul White to a kneeling position as Dai saunters up, the Universal Belt across his shoulders.

“Looks good on me, eh? Hahaha! And this was just the first instalment!” Dai smiles as he watches Trevor jones going through Whites pockets and bag, searching for something.

“Ah, got it bosth!” and he throws a leather wallet to Dai before turning his broken grin back to White. “I told you I'd get even, Whitthe! And now here's my chancth!” Laughing manically, Jones punches White heavily across the jaw, turning Whites head.

Spitting out a little blood, White's eyes go the his attacker and he smiles. “Heh! Still punch like a pussy, Jones!”

With a shout of hate fuelled rage, Jones lays into White with punches and kicks as the other man comes in to try and stop the assault.

“That's enough Trevor.” Those words spoken with calm authority snapped Jones to attention and he turned incredulously to his leader. “I said that's enough. I've got what I want, so we should get out of here before anyone stumbles across our little side show.” Dai looks up past the group of men as they unceremoniously drop White's unconscious form on the tarmac, right into Tommy's horror filled face, and with a laugh he places the belt over Whites form, salutes the boy and disappears into the shadows again, pocketing the wad of cash he used to salute with.

Tommy, finally roused from his state of shock, runs back towards the back entrance to find help.

***********

A few day's later, White awakens to the sounds and smells of a hospital room, his jaw aching and obviously swollen, and every part of his body stiff and painful. It took him a second to remember that this wasn't due to his war with Senecca during Revival, but from his old mentor and his gang of thugs. As the memories began to come back he started and frantically looked around the room, seeing a drip next to his bed, some chairs pulled close and a number of cards on the bedside table, a window showing a cityscape he couldn't recognize, a TV on a stand in the corner, before breathing a sigh of relief when he saw the belt draped across a chair against a wall.

As if summoned by his movements, a pretty little nurse entered the room and looked on him with a smile.

“Or, you're awake.” The Canadian accent proved to White that he was still in Toronto. “Good, we were worried that you might slip into a coma. You took some nasty hits to your head. But you wrestlers certainly seem to have hard heads!” Again she smiled at her little joke.

White tried to roll his eyes at her and began to speak, but the pain in his jaw wouldn't let him.

“Don't speak, your jaw was fractured quite badly. I'm afraid you'll be eating through a straw for the next week or two.” Whites eyes said it all as the nurses sympathy washed over him. Not seeming to notice, she looked at the chart at the end of the bed before coming over to offer white a cup with a straw.

“It's just water. If your jaw still hurts we can increase the painkillers.”

White took the cup and managed a grunt as the nurse proceeded to inspect his wounds.

Over the next week or so, Tommy regularly visited, finally able to just chat away as his friend was now unable to tell him to shut it. A couple of times representatives from the roster or company came round to see how he was, Marie Dubois in particular expressing a feeling that she'd drawn the short straw, but the ironic smile she turned on the big man as she offered he sympathies and goodbyes as she left was a little surprising.

***********

A week later. Tommy is driving and Brian is in the passenger seat. The swelling around his jaw visibly diminished, as are most of the bruises. A few stitches are all that's left of a number of cuts around his face. The brooding look is evident as always as White takes in the scenery of North East America.

“I'm glad you're ok Bri.”

White just grunts, though his expressions softens just the tiniest of margins. Tommy, noticing this, smiles too. “Hey, don't know if you've heard yet, but the card for next Storm Front is out.”

White turns a questioning look to Tommy.

“Yeah, they're doing a Stormchacer tournament. You're fighting Sery in the first round.”

White winces a little as his jaw tightens into a semi smile and nods in appreciation. Should be good, he thinks to himself.

“Also, the show's in London...” Tommy trails off a little as this could be considered bad news with the recent events.

White's smile drops back into a scowl and just shakes his head resignedly. We'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it....

Last edited by Gorgrim (Fri-23-Jun-2017 16:09:51)